How to measure your worth

Have you ever met that one person who really makes you think?  I mean deeply think about life.  I'm not a deep person, I haven't ever pretended to be; not to say I'm shallow but I like to think of myself as a medium between the two.  Today, however, I couldn't help but look deeper into the world around me.

The girls and I went to lunch today, like we do every now and again, when the other two girls can't get enough satisfaction in their lives so they bring me along to secretly poke fun at my simple life.  We'll call them The Debutant (intern) and the Climber (full time). 

The Debutant came from a sordid background with a Deadbeat Dad birth father and a mother who remarried into money - enough money to make her life worthy of calling herself a debutant.  Her college education was paid for and she still carries several credit cards that Daddy (step father) pays for.  Also she is engaged to a wealthy young graduate who lived quite a charmed life as well.

The Climber is a middle aged mother of 2, who is from a small country town where she grew up and married at a young age.  She takes care of all of the ins and outs at the company. The Climber is called the climber because she will do whatever it takes to climb higher than where she is in status within the company.  Our company has endured several org chart changes in the last year and each time The Climber is the right hand man (women) to the one in charge.  No matter what it takes.

Now me, I'm the simple girl who is mostly the listener and the nodder when we go out. The outcast if you will.  I listen as they compete about who has the better house, mortgage deal, car, clothes, handbags etc. Anything I contribute to the conversation usually initiates a quiet exchange of condescending glances or no reply at all. So why do I go, you ask?  It's a selfish reason really; it makes me feel better about my life.

Ok I know, I'm a terrible person, but let me explain.

Today I listened as they picked apart the group of women next to us,  calling them "new money" pointing out possible plastic surgeries and seemingly poor designer clothing choices.  Meanwhile I sip my drink laughing to myself about the fact that every stitch of clothing on my body probably amounted equally to what they would purchase a single sock for...and yet they dined with me. 

The Debutant asked about the wedding plans for My J and I, laughing at the idea that our wedding was budgeted for only 5K and that we planned to pay for it ourselves.  Of course the question was only an opportunity to introduce her own wedding extravagances which were being paid for by her family.  It was at that moment that it dawned on me.  It was almost as if a flash of lighting struck and time stood still.  Their voices faded out and I could only hear my thoughts.

She is seeking my approval.

I was shocked.  As I looked at her I could see the insecurities in everything she did.  She picked apart those other women, because she thought they were better.  She brings up her connections to wealth every chance she gets because she fears not being accepted into that society.  The society of the private schools, the cocktail parties, and the vacations in Aspen she wanted it all.  She wasn't bragging as much as she was desperately seeking approval for her status as a socialite in high society.  What I really couldn't believe is that she was so desperately unsure of herself she was seeking that same approval from someone she thought so little of!  As it became clear to me everything began falling into place.  It was at that moment that I said it, only I didn't realize that the thought had actually formed into words before I had a chance to stop them. 

"I'm so glad I'm poor."

The conversation stopped. OMG, did I say that out loud?? I thought to myself.  Surely this silence was just a coincidence. I was wrong. There they were sitting across the table looking at me with complete shock. I saw no other option.

"I'm glad I'm poor because that way I don't have to deal with all the shallow drama that the wealthy always seem to have going on.  I would hate to live a life constantly seeking the approval of others. Thank the good Lord above I shop at Wal-Mart and my kids won't have to learn French to get into pre-school. Nope, I'll be happier attending the PTA down at my local public school with all the other rednecks."

There, I said it.  I wish I had taken a picture.  In one moment I had recognized out loud what they thought of me and it felt great. Of course it was only a moment before the comment was ignored and the original conversation continued on.  Thank you Lord.  I whispered to myself smiling softly knowing it was my time to be grateful. Sometimes I think that God reaches out to you in small moments. Today was that moment for me.  Recently I have been so stressed out over work and money that it's all I've been able to think about.  I've left my son, my fiancé and my step son on the back burner and I felt ashamed.  Those three were my fortune.  To them it doesn't matter how much money is in the bank or what bills are paid - they still love me the same.  Peanut and little B don't care if we have a Lexus or a clunker sitting in the driveway as long as it can get us to the park.  I thanked God today for not blinding me with wealth, for providing my family with just enough to get by but only enough to keep us humble.

I didn't hear much else through the rest of lunch; instead I was content to occupy myself with my own thoughts.  Today I regained my dignity in the face of my peers. Today I rediscovered my purpose and learned that the only fortune you can take to heaven is the memory of your children. And best of all, today I thanked God for showing me how to measure my worth.

End thought: "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on Earth, where moth and rust destroy and thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in Heaven...For where your treasure is your heart shall also be. " Matthew 10:19-21